It all started this morning. Liila had an appointment for her yearly checkup at the vet. Last year, her doctor said she was a little on the heavy side, and that she should never gain more than another pound. Well... she did. Two pounds to be exact. Liila loves to eat! Peanut butter is her favorite, but she isn't picky. As Ma, Liila and I, walked into the office we were greeted by our favorite lady behind the front desk. She knows us well, seeing as Liila also goes to "camp" (boarding) there whenever we travel, and we call constantly during her stay (got it on speed dial), which I know has to get old if you are the one answering the phone and giving a report. Liila last saw her "camp" friends in July, so quiet a bit of time had passed since her last visit. The lady asked how "Miss Liila" was doing, and when I lifted Liila up for her to say hey, the lady exclaimed, "girl you have put on some weight"! And so it began. As we chatted, Liila made friends with a very cute little dachshund with long hair, and one blue eye and one brown eye. She made unpleasant faces as her new little friend licked her hello, and never offered to returned the greeting, choosing rather to turn her head away with a pained expression, just waiting for it to be over. When the doctor's assistant came to show us to the exam room, she said Liila, I know you, you board here. I couldn't help wondering what Liila had done to be instantly recognizable...but she has had some extended stays at "camp" and she is awfully cute! But anyway, I digress. As we settle into the exam room I asked the assistant if she wouldn't mind trimming Liila's nails, since last time I did it she threw a fit and yelled like something crazy, making me think she was close to death! I thought maybe it was me. That maybe I was doing something wrong and hurting her as I trimmed. The assistant said, not a problem, and carried Liila back into the "lab" for her tests and mani/pedi. It wasn't long before we heard it. It was the unmistakable shrill cries of one overly dramatic spoiled dog! She yelled, she whimpered, she whined, she cried, she hit repeat. We were starting to worry, and then in a few minutes the door to the exam room opened, and in walked the doctor, the assistant, and the drama queen. They explained that Liila had started her yelling when they touched her feet and it only got worse as they trimmed her nails. She had put on such a show that they felt the need to assure us that they had not hurt her in any way, and then in the nicest way they knew how, they called her spoiled. hehe... The exam progressed. The doctor was very nice and did a through exam before addressing the weight issue. Ah...there it was again. Liila had gained two pounds and he wanted to know why. Well...yes she does get treats but not too many. Yes, she gets a little food from the table, but really its just enough for her to feel like she has gotten something. Does she go with us as we jog? heheheheh..hehehe..hehehe.. Um...no. No, she does not. But she is gonna start! I need to jog, why not make her jog too? It would do us both some good! She really only HAS to lose a pound. That shouldn't be too hard. And how cute would we look!!! Sooo... We left the vet and set fourth on our mission to buy a harness so that Liila could start her exercise! As we approach the pet store Ma says, "I hope it doesn't stink". It did, but we were on a mission. We stopped to pet a grey kitten, Ma got sidetracked looking at dogs, and I asked where we could find a harness. Having measured Liila ahead of time, I knew just what to ask for and was only given the option of color, as the particular harness we were looking at was "awesome" and no others should even be considered. It was the type of harness that my Aunt had been telling us about, with one closure, that you only have to adjust once and then can just slip it on and off with ease. Yep, sounds good. We got the pink one. The adjustment time was less than a treat. Liila was not happy, or patient, or even half way nice about having that thing strapped to her as I attempted to tighten and loosen and tighten again. She started biting me before Ma stepped in and started babying her enough that I could finish doing what I was doing. We got it adjusted and I asked Ma if she was sure that I should take the tags off. Liila walked oddly around the kitchen very displeased with this pink contraption that was now attached to her. Ma said she was sure, and though I hesitated, I removed the tags. Liila seemed to be walking better without the tags attached and so we headed to the foyer to get ready for our walk. I hooked her short leash to the harness, put on my shoes, my jacket, my ray-bans, stuck my phone in my pocket and we headed out. Ma said "have fun" as we made our way down the sidewalk toward the street. Everything was going very well until we got to the mailbox. At the mailbox, Liila started freaking out completely! She stood on her back legs, flung herself around like something crazy and the next thing I knew I was holding a leash, attached to a pink harness that was no longer attached to a dog. "Liila! Liila get back here!!!" I herded her into the house. Ma asked "what happened"? I said, "she took it off". "What do you mean she took it off?" "I donno, she took it off." So, I plopped myself down in the floor, examined the harness to see if I had done something wrong, and started the whole process over again, tightening it just to be sure. And then, with stupid optimism, we set out down the sidewalk, Ma says"have fun". Everything was going very well until we got to the mailbox. I am sooo not kidding! That dog started freaking out, stood on her back legs, flung herself around like something crazy, and then there I was again, holding a leash, attached to a pink harness that was no longer attached to a dog. But this time I saw how she did it! As she is standing on her back legs and flinging herself around she pulls back from me slipping her front legs and head out of the harness. She is like a reptile!!!! She can contort herself in ways that a normal dog would never dream possible. I herded her into the house but there was no point in trying again. Liila was not staying in that harness any further than the mailbox. I called the pet store, explained the problem and the fact that I had removed the tags and asked if I could return the harness. They said I could, so we did. The sales guy asked why I was returning it, and I told him that she kept slipping out of it. He said, "slipping out of a harness??? What is her name Houdini"? "No", I said, "it is Liila".